Saturday, 7 April 2018

Marriage, Kids, Adoption

So I read this post written by my friend about marriage and I was like, 'Wah, I've been meaning to write something similar but don't know hot to put in words,' and as always, it is always kinda scary to write something that does not fit within Indonesian society. 'Warganet bakal bilang apose nanti??'

But anyway, let me try. Actually my view on marriage and having kid(s) evolves in time.

Let's just start on the beginning a.k.a. when I did my bachelor. That was the first time I was exposed directly with marriage environment where I saw some of students get married even before they finished their bachelor study. Yes, they're young indeed. Back then, I saw that thing as some kind of achievement and at one point in my bachelor getting married before finishing study was a life goal. How great is that to have a husband in your graduation day. It usually happens in the environment where the couple are pretty religious because it is explicitly seen that the sooner the better (also as a preventing measure of premarital sex, which I would disagree on it. If you don't want to do, it just won't happen, if you want, that happen anyway. Ok, but that's not my point). So how about me? Am I pretty religious? Nope, I am not pretty religious, I am just pretty, full-stop. But again, talking about religiosity is not also my point.

My point is, now I don't see marriage (at young age) is an achievement, it does not solve your life problem, and it does not guarantee your happiness. Don't get me wrong, it is a beautiful thing, and I may want to get married one day, but it is not as beautiful as social media depict it. Have you seen Gone Girl? Of course that the extreme.

I still want to get married If I think I find somebody right, but now I don't feel like an obligation and I can see myself being fine even If I am a single. Term and condition applied: I don't live in Indonesia a.k.a I live in Nordic area or Western Europe XD. As one of my friend said, "I'd rather have short good marriage (cos getting married not at young age) rather than long terrible one." Of course there is such thing as long-good married, but some of us just cannot have everything can't we?   

Having a kid is like a default option for me back then when I still thought that getting married is an achievement. Although I never see anything wrong with people who decide not to have kids, I have always wanted to have one(s) back then. Now? If I ever get married (or not cos it works as well rite XD), I may want to have. I repeat, I MAY. Yes, I've changed. Why?! Carbon footprint? Nope. Overpopulation problem? Nope. It is simply because teenager scares me. I look back at my teenage time and I loath myself in so many ways, ewwww!!! (I was not even a bad teenager who tried stuff just out of curiosity or because I wanted to looked cool). I don't know how my parents managed. Another thing that scares me is that the idea of ideal kid from Indonesian society and my parents. That shaleh-shaleha thing, I just can't. Because  raising a kindhearted kid with strong grit will not be enough.

Again, some religious people will argue that having a kid is a good investment since  it is one of three lasting good deeds (in my belief, once you die all deeds just stop, except three things, one of those three is  having virtuous descendants). But you know what? I think I am doing ok with the other two lasting deeds: sadaqah jariyah (deeds when people continue to benefit despite the person who commence it die already) and knowledge which is beneficial (as long as people benefit from this knowledge, the person will receive 'reward').

But again, we'll never know, people change. Maybe tomorrow I go back to my initial thought that having a kid is compulsory.

"Do you consider adoption?" once my friend asked. That was only about two years ago when I was still in Singapore.
"Hmmm, maybe. If I want a kid and we (me and husband) cannot have by ourselves. But that is definitely last resort," I said.
"I don't know, I just want to have my own."
"You think that it is not 'mother enough' if you adopt?"
" I don't know."

And just in two years I completely change. I see adoption as a beautiful thing, there is no shame in it whether you choose to do so because you just want or you cannot have kids yourself. I even now have more respect to people who adopt more than anything else. Why? As I said, some people have kids because it is a default option once you get married/have a partner. It can just happen even when you don't want it and don't feel like ready. On the flip side, adoption usually is a deliberate decision. The person/couple consider many aspect and ponder whether they really want it and ready for it. Not to mention a long process and complicated paperwork. For instance in America, I once saw a couple told story that they waited for two years until they got the match. They went through long administration process with many visits from social service (it is social service right? or how do you call them?). So what happens is, the government want to reassure that the couple/person who want to adopt are eligible. Do they have enough resource? Are they good enough? Reliable and stable as parents? Those checking process does not happen with person/couple who have baby on their own, right? They just have it. It does not matter if they are unstable and may cause physical and emotional damage to the innocent human being. (Btw, I always believe that parents damage their kids in one or another way. Some are mildly some are badly. Just so you know, when I was still fat, like properly fat, the biggest bully was my dad...aha..aha...ahahahah, that's why I agreed with my parents to see nutritionist, the basic reason was to make them stop with the bully..aha..aha....ahahahaha. Btw, I know they did not mean it, they just want me to be healthy but the manifestation were just terribly wrong). Back to the adoption. I see nothing wrong but beautiful thing in it. Remember a police woman who wanted to adopt baby in Medan (if I am not wrong) but she was not allowed because of her religion? Her religion is minority that is why she was rejected. I am insulted. Religion is the reason why an innocent human being who was  abandoned could not grow with love from woman? 

Anyway, again, I am talking way off track. The point is, adoption usually comes from deliberate decision with long serious-process. The parents-to-be can be more ready compared to the normal parents. So, it should not be seen as something negative.


Indeed, life experience and environmental exposure change people. That is how I see marriage, kids, and adoption today. Who knows about tomorrow, I'll probably change again.
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Saturday, 31 March 2018

Tips Winter Sobat Asia

Sejauh ini gw nggak punya banyak pengalaman menghadapi winter karena sekarang baru kali ke-tiga gw ngalamin winter. Tapi kedepannya, semoga bisa ngalamin winter terus-terusan sampai ga kuat terus beli pulau di daerah tropis karena gw tajir abis melebihi Bang Hotman dan menghabiskan hari tua leyeh-leyeh sambil ongkang-ongkang kaki. 

EYMIN *Doa sendiri, ngaminin sendiri. Bodo amat.*

Tapi bisalah gw sedikit memberi wejangan kepada sesama sobat Asia mengenai winter. Gw sempat sedikit kaget dengan kekejaman winter di Finland karena gw jumawa mentang-mentang pernah menghadapi winter di Landa. Hal ini juga disebabkan gw ketemu orang Swedia yang bilang kalau winter di Landa lebih keji daripada winter di Swedia. Testimoni yang nggak akurat sama sekali, hih!!! 

Berikut adalah winter tips dari sobat Asia untuk sesama sobat Asia dalam menghadapi winter yang keji.

Udah paling penting ini. Sesuaikan baju dan keadaan cuaca dan kemampuan diri. Jangan pake standar orang lokal karena nggak jarang gw ngeliat orang lokal pake celana super ketat dan cuma selapis, ditambah celananya sobek-sobek di lutut. Ini gimana ceritanya sih??? Kalau emang perlu pake berlapis-lapis, yowis nggak apa-apa. Nah, untuk orang yang nggak suka pake baju berlapis karena nggak nyaman, sareukseuk bin sempit, bisa diakalin dengan beli luaran. Beli celana yang coldproof dan windproof sebagai lapisan luar, nggak kece tapi it's ok karena cuma untuk di perjalanan. Sampai kantor, tara!!! bisa dilepas dan tetep pake bawahan yang kece. Kenapa gw ngomongin celana? Karena jaket kece buat winter mah banyak, no problemo. 

Gw sendiri biasanya pake rangkepan, legging atau stocking thermal karena kebetulan memanfaatkan yang udah ada dan pelit aja buat ngeluarin duit.  

Untuk #SobatJogging, nggak perlu khawatir aktivitas tetap bisa dilakukan, karena cek ceunah mah, "There is no bad weather, only bad cloth." Beli perlengkapan khusus yang bisa melindungi dari dingin dan angin. Tapi kira-kira juga, kalau udah kelewat dingin, mending leyeh-leyeh di kamar. Satu yang pasti, jogging atu nggak jogging, jangan lupa pasang reflector demi keselamatan karena hari cepat gelap.  

Bukan cuma masalah hangat atau nggak, tapi juga mumpuni atau nggak solnya. Sol ini penting karena sol yang kuat dan geriginya bagus bisa melibas lapisan salju yang tebal dan  ngasih grip lebih ketika jalan di lapisan es yang licin. Saat winter lagi keji-kejinya, gw pake sepatu Viking, mumpuni abis karena Norway punya. Harganya mahils, tapi gw dapet di toko secondhand dan murah banget #ProudSobatKizmin. 

Pesan moral: rajin-rajin berkunjung ke toko barang bekas. Kualitas barang masih bagus banget dengan harga yang jauuuhhhhh lebih murah.

Sport Grip
Sejatinya, ini adalah best buy gw selama winter. Lagi-lagi jangan bikin standar pake acuan orang lokal. Nggak jarang mereka ini melenggang pake sneaker. Bukan cuma perkara cukup anget atau nggak, tapi juga sol sepatu mereka yang apa adanya dan nggak ngasih grip tapi mereka tetep nggak kepleset. Berhubung talenta anti-kepleset tidak mengalir di DNA gw, maka gw perlu bantuan dari sport grip. Ada sih beberapa sepatu yang memang ada spike-nya, baik winter shoes atau pun sport shoes,  tapi gw punya sepatu tersebut, walhasil gw beli spike tambahan. 

Harga bervariasi, yang murah biasanya all size, tapi berhubung gw kizmin tapi lagi kepengen sok kaya, gw beli jenis sport yang memang ada ukurannya dan harganya lumayan juga. Ketika gw pake buat jogging, gripnya tetap mencengkram dengan kencang. Dan saat transisi dari winter menuju spring, grip ini jadi wajib hukumnya, karena temperatur naik turun sehingga salju cair-beku-cair-beku bikin lapisan es yang licin ada di mana-mana. Mau pake sepatu winter yang mumpuni, udah nggak nyaman karena terlalu berat, pengennya pake boot yang agak kece. Masalahnya, boot yang kece biasanya solnya gundul, nah grip inilah yang jadi penyelamat gw. Kalau nggak, gw udah patah-patah kali.  

Muka gw yang sejatinya nggak karuan semakin nggak karuan. Moisturizer yang mumpuni adalah koentji. Jaman gw di Landa, gw nggak pernah pake hand cream karena nggak perlu, di sini, meski udah pake hand cream religiously, kondisi punggung tangan kanan sempet jelek banget.

Kondisi punggung tangan kanan pada suatu masa.
Kenapa problem di tangan kanan? Karena tiap gw nyasar, gw musti lepas sarung tangan untuk cek google map, makleum, sarung tangan gw bukan touch screen punya. Jadi kebayang kejinya winter di sini kayak apa, karena lepas sarung tangan buat cek google map cuma butuh waktu beberapa detik, tapi efeknya luar binasa.

Muka nggak ancur(-ancur amat) meski kering luar biasa. Trik sederhana yang gw lakukan adalah gw cuci muka dengan cleansing oil dan sabun cuma di malam hari, paginya cukup basuh pake air. Biasanya gw pake bio oil cuma di malam hari, sekarang musti pake pagi dan malam, tentunya dengan kuantitas yang beda, pagi agak tipis dikit. Gimana kalau malem? Gambar berikut menunjukan kuantitas bio oil yang gw oleskan sebelum tidur. 

Level keling muka gw saat menggunakan bio oil di malam hari. 
Badan pun kering, gatel nggak karuan sampai ke pantat. Nasib.

Tipikal banget di sini. Setiap apartemen ada saunanya. Meski persaingan booking sauna cukup panas, tapi apa pun dilakukan biar bisa sauna. Selain bikin sehat, sauna ini juga bikin anget dan bikin lapar sesudahnya.

Tolak Angin
Untuk semua sobat Asia golongan masuk-angin prone, put your hands up in the air!!!!! Biasanya problem kembung kentut terjadi sehabis gw jogging. Meski gw nggembol Tolak Angin dari tanah air, tentunya pada suatu titik gw kehabisan stok juga. Biar tetep anget, gw seneng bikin teh+jahe+madu. 

Kelembapan Ruangan
Ini juga penting. Selama musim dingin, udara kering banget, terlebih dalam ruangan. Pas cuaca lagi jelek-jeleknya, gw selalu bangun tengah malem beberapa kali dan ngerasa haus luar biasa plus sakit kepala. Makanya, botol minum selalu siap sedia di dekat tempat tidur dan begitu gw minum, gw ngerasa airnya bukan mengalir masuk perut, tapi ngalir ke kepala dan nggak lama sakit kepala pun sirna. Supaya kelembapan ruangan tetep dalam batas aman, cara paling gampang tapi mahal adalah beli humidifier. Cara murahnya adalah dengan ngeringin pakaian di dalam kamar dan didihkan air sampai uapnya nyebar ke mana-mana.

Cukup sekian tips dari Sobat Asia untuk Sobat Asia dalam menghadapi winter yang keji, semoga bermanfaat.

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Thursday, 22 March 2018

Green Jargon

Banyak banget drama kehidupan deh nih sejak tiga minggu gw di sini. Tapi nanti aja gw bikin cerbung (kapan-kapan kalau nggak males) dengan nama disamarkan dan peristiwa yang harus disubtle-kan. 

Anywayyyy, beberapa minggu yang lalu kan gw sauna bareng genggong, pas nyampe di tempat sauna temen gw bilang, "Itu kaos lo tulisannya apaan?" pada saat itu gw lagi pake kaos sisa-sisa jaman 'Kampanye Anti Kantong Plastik.' Gile ya, kaos dari jaman nggak enak masih ada. Yabes, kaos-kaos oblong yang udah ledes tuh emang paling enak buat dipake di rumah dan bobok-bobok. Begitu gw ditanya begitu sama temen gw, gw langsung ngeles dong, secara malu hayati, "Oh ini tulisannya 'I am a non plastic bag user.' Well I can tell you it's BS. I'm not gonna collect my rubbish at home without plastic bag or going swimming and use some kind of environmental friendly bag to put my wet clothes." Sambil cengengesan.

Habis gitu gw sadar, jargon-jargon soal lingkungan itu kok isinya mimpi-mimpi utopia, selling pipe dreams here and there. Hayati lelah kadang. Emang kalau bikin skenario dengan prediksi yang rasional di masa depan bakal nggak laku banget yak? Emang kalau nggak (overly) optimist kurang menjual yak? Daripada bilang 'berhenti menggunakan kantong plastik' kenapa nggak pake 'reduksi kantong plastik?' Daripada bilang 'zero waste' kenapa nggak bilang 'waste minimization?' Toh tiap hari juga kita masih eek, yekan? Yasih, kalo udah canggih hasil akhir lumpur tokai yang diolah bisa dibalikin lagi ke tanah (tentunya dengan term and condition yang panjang, btw, in general landfilling is banned here in EU, only really small fraction goes there), meski kalau di tanah air mungkin masih kapan-kapan nyampe sana. Kita masih mentok di seputaran 'Kapan kawin?' dan lecturing someone who deliberately decide not to have kid. Anyway, tiap hari masih pup juga, kenapa ga waste minimization aja sih??? *warganet realis nan oportunis bertanya?!?!?!*  

Hal lain yang bikin geli soal lingkungan adalah abused-jargon. Apa-apa diselipin 'Green' atau 'Sustainable' atau sekarang yang lagi trend abis 'Circular.' Semuanya aja ngaku-ngaku tanpa bukti jelas. Apalagi circularity, konsepnya masih bertebaran di sana-sini, fragmented dan vague. Semua datang dengan indikator masing-masing terus bilang, "Proses di tempat gw circular lho." Padahal pas lo tengok, bahan baku doi 1% berupa recycled material, tapi tetep aja ngaku circular. 


Kalau udah gitu, gw rasanya bikin jadi orang kaya kapitalis buka tambang di sana-sini terus investasi duitnya biar muter lanjut ongkang-ongkang kaki. Pas mokat kekayaan semua disumbang buat riset ga ada yang masuk ke keluarga dan sodara-sodara. Halah, jadinya halu banget.

Preamble panjang amat sih,  padahal mah intinya cuma mau bilang, gw tida tahan dengan orang-orang yang overly positive. Seperti lulusan pelatihan-pelatihan nganu. Ahahahahahaha.
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